Disclaimer
Life is like a maze and love is like a riddle
I don't know where i will end up one day
But this is platform for you to stay connected with me
And for me to talk about my life
It may not be interesting to you
But it's a way for me to keep some best memories in my life =D
Tuesday, April 7, 2009 @ 5:57 PM
damn damn damn...
why mus this happen...
i always wonder...is the "tian" punishing me??
or i did something wrong??
suffer from this idiot cramps is like a torture to me....
damn....cant i be a normal girl...
yes...i can accept with some cramps...maybe to abit not feel like moving...
but why mus it to be that extent of throwing up.....almost fainting...
that pain was seriously killing me...
mus i make that scene at the bus interchange??
and why mus it happen on todae!...
i tot it would be normal todae...and yet...
it came...cant even stand at all...
threw up...totally no strength...practically lying on the ground and don wan to move...
shouting and whinning coz of that pain...
making ppl around look at me...
thinking i nid to be sent to the hospital or something....
and yet...all i noe...it will be soon okay....
i jus have to bear with it....damn...
i mus have look like so crazy women in pain....
damn....but i cant help it =/
that pain is too much for me to bear...
and yes...everytime this happens it always troubles ppl ard me...
mum and mother...
mus apologise to them...
but mum....argh...
saying that everytime she has to face this...
everytime troubles her...
and yet...she didnt tot that...i didnt want it to happen too...
as if...i want to have myself in pain....
the feeling of having large amount of cold sweat...
holding on to the stomach area...grapping hard...
almost to screaming in pain...
dont she have the mind to think that i myself don even want that...
if i can control...i wont have trouble her...in fact...i don wan this to happen....
furthermore...i may cramp to die at home...if she's not ard...
i can say...some ppl are helpful...
some ppl are heartless...some ppl are overly helpful..
and some are jus..."using their mouth"....
maybe that's how ppl react bahx...
anyway...i cant rmb much...too in pain to realli notice the surroundings...
damn it....
i am sick of this....realli...
it is like a slight "mental" torture to me...
every month i have to bear with the fear of this would happen...
i don noe when it will come...
though have prepared...taking medicine and all...
but sometimes it jus wont help....
why why why....why mus i suffer from such pain....
it is irritating and annoying...
and painful...
and most of the time i wont be at home...
it makes me even much more scared...
no one besides mum and mother have saw the real scene before...
if it realli happens...i afraid ppl ard me will tio shocked and don noe wat to do...
but all i nid is jus bear with it...and it will be okay....
damn...now photoshoot is cancelled...
wondered if it is fate that i shldnt go for it...
but...i want to try...let see how things go bahx...
maybe it is jus me who has to face all this stupid things...
feel veri frustrated with myself??...now...
damn feeling...
if i got a second chance...i rather be a guy...it is realli better..
This is ME